kb2014, I know what you’re talking about, I too am struggling almost daily with anger with myself but more for people who called themselves my family and friends. When I got sick with cancer in 2020, the support I got was minimal to none, God only knows how much love and support is needed, I believe it’s the medicine we need going through this time. I thought it was due to the pandemic, everyone was scared about what was happening but it became apparent that they just didn’t care enough about me. I tried so hard to be a good person and never did anything to hurt anyone but it just didn’t make any difference. I began to get more depressed and anxious and I was struggling with my mental health, our minds can be so cruel sometimes and I started remembering bad things from my past which just made me worse. I did try some therapy for a while and it helped but the bad memories just keep tormenting me, medication was not working for me and the side effects made me feel worse. I often wake up feeling fear and tension but it goes away a little when I get up and find distractions. I realize that I’m not alone with my troubles, I’ve read so many stories about people suffering in this cold and messed up world but it just doesn’t stop the pain I feel, I was never very religious in my life but I’m trying to use prayer more to find peace in my heart, it’s pretty much all I have left. The biggest conflict is that I have struggled so hard to stay alive and not let cancer take me but then I sometimes look at my life and I wonder what it’s all for, loving myself has been an ongoing struggle.