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Extreme self hatred- how did I become this person?
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Feb 22 8:04am | Replies (14)Comment receiving replies
@carter8107, this must be a terrible place to find yourself in. You're feeling such loathing and anger that you don't even want to help yourself. You see yourself being mean to the people you care about and you can't stop it.
What a horrible, vicious circle like a merry-go-round you can't get off.
Despite the seeming hopelessness of your message, I also see a glimmer of light -- you posted here. To me that signals you want to stop the spinning merry-go-round and find a way to get off.
Deep down, I think you know you want to change. You took the first step by posting here. Good for you!
Was there an event or change in your life that started this change? Do you have access to a therapist to talk about it?
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I’ve been trying to figure out how this happened. I think maybe it’s several things that didn’t seem insurmountable on their own but they just kept piling up. Then I lost my mom in September of 2023 and it just broke me. I don’t have a therapist right now.. I tried a psychiatrist but she just gave me meds and didn’t give any actual therapy so I quit going.