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Harmful to point out the gravity of my wife's memory problems?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 4 days ago | Replies (33)Comment receiving replies
Your post is an inspiration. My husband is a Stanford graduate with an ABD in French Literature and an MLS in library science. He was a university reference librarian for 42 years and has always been proud of his brain, so I know how you feel about watching your dad's decline. My husband isn't quite as far along as your father, but he has many of the same behaviors. Lots of repetition, loss of words, loss of short-term and long-term memory. He knows, I guess, his diagnosis and has an appointment with a neurologist in a couple of weeks, but he doesn't seem to understand why our primary care physician referred him. He had some sort of test on his brain (scan, eeg?) about a year ago but I don't recall anything definitive from that. My understanding is that there's nothing that can be done, so I'm not sure what good pinning down a diagnosis would do. I know so may folks who have dementia these days. Their spouses cope and we all do the best we can. You have a great attitude that I shall try to emulate.
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@pamela78 It is tough and wishing you and your husband continuing happiness despite everything 🙏
My sister is a clinical nurse and is adamant that, as there’s nothing that can be done for Dad, we don’t get him clinically diagnosed because of what that entails if he’s hospitalised. Dad’s finances preclude him from receiving subsidised care packages so that isn’t a reason to get a diagnosis. He has continuing decades long health insurance which I ensure is paid each year! My sister talks to the hospital staff about his care on admission and so far his few stays have been fine for the staff, him and other patients.
Legally, we all ensure that we do not do anything with his finances other than what HE needs and what he gives the go ahead for (eg his roof was leaking so we organised for that to be fixed and paid out of his account). I talk him through these sorts of things before going ahead. He’s still capable of understanding and making his own decision in the moment.
I also print out his bank account regularly (transactions etc) so the family and my Dad can see exactly what I’ve done on his account with internet banking.
We have all agreed that as far as medical decisions are concerned if we family members disagree (eg whether or not he gets shingles, RSV or Covid jabs) what his doctor recommends prevails. Dad has trusted his doctor over the years who knows Dad well. Again I talk through things with Dad (including any family disagreement and what his doctor recommends) and again Dad is able to make the decision in the here and now.
With his consent we have cameras outside his house so we get notifications if he goes outside the house. He so far doesn’t go outside the front gate on his own. We joke with him about microchipping him!! We are looking with him at adding a GPS tracker to his medic alert. He has a medic alert inside the house which he never takes off. So far we don’t have any cameras inside as he doesn’t want them, yet. We may encourage him to let us put one in his kitchen soon.
Things may change and we will roll with that. He put in place a guardianship appointment if needed with a lawyer friend we all know, like and respect some years ago 🙏❤️🩹