@merpreb I don't appreciate the tone of your message. I'm actually going into this with some knowledge given that I went to college for psychology (no, I can't treat anyone - sorry other people posting - only a bachelor's and I'll never be able to go to grad school let alone get my doctorate. I'm a failure and have accepted that.).

Considering how severe my depression is, how long I've been in treatment, and that I've had multiple doctors and psychiatrists give up on me, I'm doing surprisingly well - I'M STILL ALIVE. Alive despite my medical history matching almost entirely with suicide risk factors. I fight every day of my life.

I'm tapering off as slowly as I can. Unfortunately, I'm one of the millions of Americans that isn't getting adequate care. And my depression is treatment resistant.

As for plans after finishing the taper, I'm going to try to get a doctor to sign off for me to get rTMS. (repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) - I got rejected for ECT due to the doctor deciding it's too risky for me and I have to get the venlafaxine out of my system before starting a different drug. At this point, pretty much only MAOIs are left to try and I'm not sure if I can tolerate those.

I've run out of safe options. I've long since run out of funds - my December rent is getting paid next week as it is. I feel guilty for having a doctor's appointment scheduled for Tuesday.

I came here for support. It isn't playing with fire - it's lighting a candle to drive back the darkness.