You are NOT a big baby! It is perfectly understandable how you could feel frustrated and without a life raft. I know how it feels to be so afraid to be anywhere due to uncontrollable coughing fits. Is there a possibility for you to enlist the help of a patient advocate at your healthcare facility? If so, explain to them your situation and your exclusion from the care you desperately need as well as your declining quality of life, both mentally and physically. My heart goes out to you. Please do not give up the fight. I know it is hard but don't give up.