Connect
← Return to Trying to feel normal but don’t know what that is.
Discussion
Trying to feel normal but don’t know what that is.
Addiction & Recovery | Last Active: Feb 24 11:17am | Replies (28)Comment receiving replies
I'm still trying to feel "normal". I thought that felt normal when I was a nurse at a detox center before I retired due to my mental health. Shock treatments were effective for a minute. That was 2016. My partner of 22 yrs died in 2022. That relationship was so fantastic! I absolutely ADORED her!!!! She was my heart. But when I went to a coda meeting, learned that I was as codependent as she was! I've been in recovery from alcohol and other drugs for 30 yrs. I'm much more normal due to my sobriety. I've been in therapy and under psychiatric care for over 30 yrs. I got sober when I had committed myself to a yr in an incest survivors group 31 yrs ago. I took back my power. So much childhood trauma. But now I'm so depressed that I can barely put one ft in front of the other. My shrink had weaned me off one drug and soon the 2d and last drug will b d/c bc it no longer works either. I don't want to die...I just don't want to live like this anymore. I grieve 4 my partner every day!!!!
Replies to "I'm still trying to feel "normal". I thought that felt normal when I was a nurse..."
I understand your grief and hopelessness. I found my partner, of 27 years, 12/18/23, dead from alcoholism. I got sober 12/16/17 and had moved out of our house because he could not get sober. It has been the most brutal and painful experience I have ever felt. I just moved back into the house January 1st of this year and I am living with the good memories and the bad memories daily. I miss him terribly. He just could not stop drinking. I know that he would want me to carry on and stay sober. I wake up every morning and ask for help from the Universe (my higher power) and the strength to stay in the moment and do what is in front of me. I have been in and of sobriety from the age of 14 years old. I am in therapy for trauma and I recently started an antidepressant to get me out of the hole. Some days are better than others, but I am grateful, albeit, not all the time. I just wanted to let you know that the fact that you are sober is a miracle, me too, and it helps me to focus on the moment. The pain is still very deep, but I try not to stay in it. Hang in there.
Connect
To @dianebrown
You wording, ‘I don’t want to die….I just don’t want to live like this anymore,’ are the exact words that I tell my husband. He is the kindest, most caring loving person but he can’t comprehend what it feels like to have insomnia, brain fog, heart palpitations, tremors, no appetite, etc. I panicked in November and went to the emergency room. I told them how I was feeling — big mistake. They pretty much kidnapped me and sent me to a lock down facility. They threatened that if I didn’t go voluntarily, they would call a Judge and send me wherever they pleased. I had to comply. Then another visit to the ER due to dehydration, caused them to lock me up in their “secret” behavioral health suite where I was watched and reported on every 15 minutes. The takeaway from this, don’t ever say “I don’t want to die….’to a mental health provider or hospital.