You know I was not aware that you could grieve for the loss of your future the way that you imagined it. But boy I went thru this. I would get mad, then I would get depressed, I quit going any where, I quit going to church, I got mad at GOD. Then I questioned everything about my faith yet I would still pray. I begged to be healed from this lung condition at least 45 times over the last 7 or 8 months. Christians would call me and want me to come back to church, then they would tell me I had no faith. God could heal me. Key word is could. I had done everything that God had asked me to do and yet here I am. What had I possibly done to deserve a potentially long life where I might die a horrible death. Then I started thinking, all of the disciples died horrible deaths except for John. He was exiled on an island for years but then he did get to go back. Why would anyone choose a life believing and suffer. Well, the other side of me would say, life ain't fair , it isn't God's fault it is just the luck of the draw.
Then one day, God told me it wasn't lack of faith it was grief. I started researching loss of dreams and health. Could not find much out there. It is mostly about losing people who die. Did find one site and it started me on a journey of acceptance of what my life will be in the future, how can I get the best out of it, and how the heck am I going to do this. I am slowly working my way back to God and taking care of my illness but choosing to enjoy every minute that I have left. Grief is a process and it took me almost 7 months to realize that I have a choice and I choose the best for me. Don't really think that God is going to heal me but as long as he walks with me thru this. I think that I can do this. Life is not easy, lean into the treatment, travel when you can, and live your best life.