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Hi @pamela78, my heart goes out to you. This is probably one of the most difficult changes in your relationship with your husband that you will have to manage and navigate.
I was in denial about my husband's condition for a while, but knew I would have to face it. It's best to tackle it head on. It's heartbreaking, but you know what's best for the two of you, and you have the ability to implement a plan.
Fortunately, my husband was receptive to my informing his doctor of his memory and other deficits, having neurological testing, etc. He gave up driving and management of our finances easily when it was time.
I had open heart surgery around the time he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, returned home and resumed caregiving duties. At the time, he was able to manage staying at a hotel near the hospital and taking a cab to see me everyday. I was in for two weeks with complications.
Would you consider giving the neurologist a heads up about the changes in your husband's behavior, functioning, etc. before the appointment? Can you send the doctor an email or have a phone conversation?
Also, request referral to a social worker or geriatrician who can map out what you need to do, as you do need to plan for both your futures.
I wish you the best.
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Thank you @tsc. I appreciate the advice and the encouragement. My husband isn't terribly impaired yet; he keeps track of our money and his medications, does the laundry, unloads the dishwasher, and still drives. It's this in-between stage that I find especially difficult, when he's still with it enough to live pretty normally but obviously declining. In a way, I wonder if it will be easier when he's more impaired and there's no question of his making decisions. I know there's no solution, just finding ways to manage. It must have been so difficult for you to have open-heart surgery and your husband's Alzheimer's diagnosis at the same time. I hear 'ya.