Thanks for being so understanding. Yes, I think I am stressed. Even my hair has stopped growing. I got it cut at the last of November and I swear it has not grown an inch. At least it is not falling out. I did make an appt with an ENT but it is not until March 18th. Physically, my husband is not hard to care for. He still makes his own meals and gets his own drinks. If he asks me to get him something, I gladly do it. It is just the waiting. Knowing that one day it will begin to get worse. I do get out of the house when I can. I am supposed to meet some friends on Valentines day for lunch. So, I hope I can go . Today, I am making homemade dog food. It does not save much money but I like doing it for my two mutts. lol Are you married or have children? I have two boys ages 46 and 40. One is married but the other just lives with his girlfriend. No grandchildren. My oldest son and his wife don't want any and my other son's girlfriend is 45 and already raised her 3 boys. So, I had to settle for two granddogs. What part of Arizona do you live in? I have friends that moved out there and they love it. I have never been there. someday, maybe. My girlfriend and I had a trip planned to to go Tennessee last september. The day before we were to leave was when Joe overdosed on his pain pills and had to be intubated and taken by ambulance to the hospital. The next morning, he went into cardiac arrest but they were able to bring him back. Hospice got wise to his drug usage (with a little help from me) and now they will only give him a 3 day supply of pain meds. He brought that on himself. The only thing that I am addicted to is cigarettes. I was trying to quit when all this happened and it just hasn't been a good time to quit. That would just be more stress on me than it is now. I have quit before and it is hard without having any undue stress. I smoke a pack a day and went to the cheap cigs because I can't afford the price of the good ones. Well, none of them are good but my husband continues to pay 11 dollars a pack. But he has nothing else to do or look forward to. He can't go anywhere because he is not strong enough to walk far. He vomits a lot and is only about 90 pounds. HOw does your brother feel about going into a hospice home? We really don't have hospice homes around where I live. Only nursing homes or personal care homes. We live in Avonmore about an hour from Pittsburgh. I am a country girl but my husband grew up in the PIttsburgh area. We each had two different lifestyles from each other. But he said he would never move back to the city. So many cities are dangerous now. Give me my two lane roads and little towns and cows in the fields. 🙂