Help: How can I help a family member who has shut down?

My attitude is to be careful not to say too much "pull up your big girl panties" to someone who has headed into depression over their diagnosis. What I remember 30 years ago after watching my hair fall out, seeing my mastectomy scar, feeling sick with mouth sores, and having 4 children ages 5, 7, 10 and 17 I hoped I'd live to raise, was that I was MAD and Deepak Chopra was writing about having "positive thoughts" to help cancer heal. It's okay to be furious at the Cancer, to yell out loud at it, and it won't affect your prognosis. I later wished I'd been offered an anti-depressant. What helped my get out of my depression was going back to part time work with Kindergartners, reading little kid stories and distracting myself with their exuberance and fun. I said "no thanks" to Tamoxifen (not tested yet on pre-menopausal women) and "hooray" for my periods returning, just to get back to some normalcy. I did not get a recurrence for 32 years. Please know some people can't be chipper and positive, they may need to fight and rail against it!

Thanks for this. I'm a total pessimist yet very "can do" which is a bit of a confusing combo. But it is me! When I got a rare breast cancer diagnosis I was not positive at all in my attitude--but I think I was realistic. After all, I was told I had two years to live. My realism has led me to have a very nice two years + and still doing well. That is because I felt my actions were under my control but nothing more. Depression and shock are not really under our control because they are kind of life grief. I felt I just needed to go with those emotions in their own time. Truth to tell, I don't mind negative emotions--they just feel human to me. If I have to "stay positive" I'd probably crack under the strain of not being authentic. Emotional response to cancer is very varied. It is fine to know and accept ourselves.