Surveyr, hang in there. Things will improve. I know exactly how you feel. My surgery removed not only my prostate (which had teathered to my rectum), but both nerve bundles, seminal vessels, the bladder neck, and 21 lymph nodes. I was COMPLETELY incontinent for 3 months, but with specialized physical therapy, seven months later I am 95% continent with mostly just stress incontinence. This isn't normal, but it is definitely manageable. I am permanently impotent - pills and pumps just don't work. I'm looking into Trimix injections but now that's on hold. I'm not technically depressed (my wife might argue this point), but my mental outlook is impacted. All that said, and acknowledging everyone's experience differs, almost everyone will improve. I too was in despair initially, but things got better. I weighed every pad/diaper and kept a log. One day I could definitely see decreased leakage. Nights improved first, next mornings improved, and eventually I saw improvement in the afternoon & evening. Ice tea, coffee, and beer certainly made my leakage worse. Work hard on strengthening your pelvic floor and core muscle groups, eat right, find things to distract your attention, and soon you will realize things are getting better. You said that that with RARP "your cancer will be gone." That is indeed the hope, but make sure you do your followup PSA monitoring, as reoccurance (BCR) is a very real possibility, even with clear margins. Seven months ago I had an RARP at Mayo, I had BCR at three months. Now I'm on ADT (Eligard, Zytiga + Prednisone) and soon I'll start 45 sessions of IMRT. Again, hang in there and don't let your situation dominate your life; 3 months from now you will notice a definite improvement!