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How do you let go of a toxic family member?
Mental Health | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (49)Comment receiving replies
Hi. I have the opposite issue but that doesn't matter. There is only one way to decide for me. I say " self, you can deal with this, or you can deal with that. Who do you want to be?"
Notice I didn't say "who are you "? If I say that I won't take the difficult path. I'll tell you a little about me. I started running away and getting in trouble when I was 13. By 15, nobody came looking for me except the police. I will say that during that time until now, and I'm close to 60, my family forgot about me. Then my half/dad died and my mom move clear across the United States and lives less than a mile away. And she acts like everything is fine.
Do you have any advice for me on letting her in without feeling angry? We'll trade.
Good luck and it sounds like you will have to be strong
Replies to "Hi. I have the opposite issue but that doesn't matter. There is only one way to..."
My only sibling is toxic to me. I limit our interactions as much as possible. Every single conversation I try to have with her about anything at all, she turns it around and it's all about her. I can't finish a sentence without her interrupting. I don't even call her much because a 5 minute call turns into at least 30 minutes. She refuses to text. She always calls and most times I let it go to voice mail. No matter what it is, it's always 'important'. So I've set boundaries.
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My mom was absent for most of my childhood and young adulthood. Instead of caring for her 6 children, she chose to work a job that took her out of town, Monday through Friday, 6 weeks of every 7. When she retired and it became time to decide whether I wanted her in my life, I decided that I did.
I have never fully let go of my anger and sadness that I have about her abandonment of us. I’m working on it, but 40 years later, it’s not totally gone. Maybe because of all the other abuse that happened to me while she was gone.
I do love her. I know that in my heart. That was my starting point for building a relationship with her. It’s not perfect. She too, like your mother, glosses over anything negative and refuses to acknowledge that she did anything wrong. I have to accept that in any small way that I can because she is 93 now and the time I have left with her is limited.
It has gotten better and easier over the years. It took many years, but I have been mostly able to let go of the past and just think of her as someone that I know and love.
I hope that you find at least a little comfort in my words.
Take care,
Mery