I shared previously I used to have more than 250 personalities. I based that count by the names written in my 32 journals. Sorry I have to digress...Giggling....I very obviously have not been in control, its been a long road.
I never dreamed I would get to the incredibly good place I am in now.
So why this post. In the past few days as I pondered my life, I realized I HAVE ARRIVED AT MY TARGETED IMAGE OF WHO I WANTED TO BE.
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Who are You going to be when you are finished healing?
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When my personalies were starting to emerge in therapy, it was so scary. Who would I be at the end? Would I be someone I didn't want to be, didn't like?
It all felt so hopeless which made me feel more helpless.
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My therapists helped me develop a picture of who I wanted myself to be when I was done.
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We worked on a list of qualifications the new me should have. We also worked on a list of qualities I didn't want. Then I started developing little videos in my head and watched the new, improved, healed me handle different situations.
I watched other people to see how they handled situations. If I liked some aspect of that person, I added that quality to my list. Same with unbecoming aspects, they went on my didn't want list.
Today, I am 14 weeks Effexor free. My thinking is getting better, things are clearer.
I am giving myself a huge pat on the back.
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I have arrived. I AM the Woman I wanted to be with the qualities I wanted. Oh, I still have things to work on...I will die with things to work on because that is who I am.
I am happy I have arrived. I love myself.
Do you?
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What is the image of who you want to be?