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How do you handle time management and calendar?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 6 hours ago | Replies (17)Comment receiving replies
I wish I could go back in time! When my husband's dr. told us he had MCI, I wish I would have started all these little strategies and tips and maybe it wouldn't be so much of a struggle for me to help him help himself...if that makes sense. But maybe like a lot of you, I was in denial.... that it could get worse over time a SHORT amount of time for us. I knew it was going to be tough to watch his memory fade but not THIS tough because not only memory loss and cognitive disabilities but he also suffers from aphasia. Tom was diagnosed with MCI in 2020 and was told about a year later he has ALZ caused by dementia. We are a fairly young couple....he's now 64 and i'm 60... and never known anyone with this awful disease. We got a wonderful handbook from the brain clinic he goes to and when i was reading it I thought I would find answers to all my questions, and I was so off the mark, cuz there are no answers as to why and when these symptoms will appear and how to "cut and dry" fix them ( and I don't mean a cure). The hardest struggle for me, is how fast his dementia has progressed. I never in a million years thought I would be in the process of placing him in a memory care facility this early in the disease ( 4 years). Neither of us had kids in our previous marriages, so the only help we get from family is moral help and SOME actual physical help. So I'm pretty much on my own with this, and I need more help. No one has really ever said "let me do_____ for you". No one has ever offered respite for me. i would LOVE to just get out and do what i want to do, not always what i HAVE to do. I guess what hurts the most, is that I have to ask..no one is offering. His behaviors have changes... verbally and sometimes physically aggressive, erratic mood changes at the drop of a hat, etc and have realized it's time to get him the much needed care I can't give him anymore. It breaks my heart but I have to do what's best for him! I feel like I've kept him isolated from a lot of things like his friends because of his behaviors and aggressive and erratic mood changes, so placing him in a facility with others of the like, he'll make new friends that are similar to him and that makes my heart happy!!
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If it’s any solace, I too had to place my hubby in a facility when aggressive and explosive behaviors started. It has turned out to be the best thing I could have done for him.
He has done amazingly well with the structure of the facility- “time for bed, time to get up, here is your meal, here are your meds, time to take a shower….” He loves “teasing” with the female staff and “bro talk” with the male staff. He has a group of guy friends- they sit together and laugh. He wheeled his way to two guys wearing Navy ball caps and sits with them too. He is a lot happier and healthier than he was at home. In three years, he has had one aggressive outburst, was easily calmed by a staff person. At home, it was daily.
At home, he was staying up till all hours, refusing the meals I would make, protective of handling his meds while getting them mixed up, refusing to shower, sleeping in his clothes and refusing to change, and he got into the “you’re not the boss of me” mode whenever I tried to address any of it. Then he left in the middle of the night and ended up in the kitchen of neighbors who had left their back door unlocked. You can imagine the commotion that caused.
I think you’ll be surprised at how your husband does in AL. I think an element of “appropriate behavior in public” is deeply embedded in the brain, from social training begun in early childhood and continued through life. You can’t scream at your boss and expect to have a job, but you can scream at your wife and kids or kick the dog.