So much of this is new & very uncomfortable for me. I'm a very anxious n cautious person so even "Googling" this kind of stuff is a very big step for me. I'm a super guarded person as well because of being hurt, let down n taken advantage of in the past so I've been finding it hard to navigate and find anything that might help me so I'm open to suggestions. I'm a 44 yr old man that has lived in Baltimore City my whole life n actually it's kinda embarrassing but I've never been out of Baltimore, that was a goal my wife was going to surprise me with. A unknown trip/destination next year without me knowing what, where or even how long we were going. I was to ask no questions n just enjoy the ride n honestly I didn't show it on the outside but it was something I was so very much looking forward to but with her death everything n anything I ever imagined seemed like it would or could never happen because my life, our life was literally my everything so now I just feel so lost, alone ,like I'm in the dark and in a world I don't know or recognize even though I've been in it my whole life. I know I need help, I just don't know what help will be the most beneficial for me. I've tried talking to my primary care doctor, a regular therapist n a friends counselor in the beginning but I felt nothing or none of them connected in a way that made me wanna continue so this is me being desperate n making myself as vulnerable as I can so saying all that I'm open n listening because I'm truly at a crossroad. One way being the end n the other being a light that hopefully gives me a glimpse of a better future.
I thank n appreciate you taking your time to show genuine feelings towards someone you've never met before. Like I said this is new to me n a little uncomfortable so thank you again.