Connect
← Return to Is it always a good idea to not contradict a person with dementia?
Discussion
Is it always a good idea to not contradict a person with dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 6 hours ago | Replies (22)Comment receiving replies
Thank you to everyone who's responded so far. @robertwills, you mentioned being chastised by family members, and while I'm not sure I'd say I was chastised, I was cautioned by family members about saying "remember" to my husband when talking about something we did or something that happened a while back. It's an automatic thing with me to say that to anyone who was present when something happened, not just him, and it's a hard habit to break. They dealt with their mother having Alzheimer's, but for most of the time they had to deal with it, she was in a care center (after her husband who was her caregiver died). They visited frequently, but it's not the same as living with a person 24/7.
And I'm not even sure if I understand the caution about not asking direct questions. I just asked my husband if he wanted a piece of the cake I was getting for myself. That's a direct question and it requires him to make a choice, and it was an easy one for him (yes, obviously!). The few times I suspected he didn't know who I was, I've asked him that directly and he was able to say he didn't. And he didn't get upset when I explained who I was and that we'd been married over 30 years, although he was surprised by that.
I guess all a person can do is read the advice and apply only what works, as well as being able to adapt as the condition progresses. Which sounds like what a lot of us are doing anyway. I think I'm just feeling particularly bummed out the last few days because I haven't been getting enough sleep thanks to an old dog who is starting to have problems sleeping through the night. I have to take him out, and then it's hard to get back to sleep before my husband gets up (early, unfortunately).
Replies to "Thank you to everyone who's responded so far. @robertwills, you mentioned being chastised by family members,..."
bclane I agree with you and how you don't understand asking direct questions. If we don't ask questions how are we suppose to know what they want? Because there are times of clarity (with my husband). If he seems confused about the question I'm asking, I will word it differently or maybe speak slower. When it comes to asking what he wants to drink or snack on, etc, I usually have to "show' him, and then it's a choice of 2 things and he looks more at ease with answering. This awful disease has been a struggle for both of us and I do everything I can to ease those struggles. There are times that the direct question I ask him, is if he knows my name and he looks confused, and more times than not, he will say 'umm no" and when I tell him he'll just say, OK and that's the end of that. I don't want to add to his confusion and remind him I'm his wife, but that's just me. Does it make me sad? Of course it does, but I know who I am and more importantly who HE is to me... my adorable, funny, handsome love of my life and will do everything I can for him!
Hugs and prayers to you
Connect
I will also add that I believe the medical science, diagnoses and the practicality of dealing of dementia is in general very far from being understood, say compared to heart disease or diabetes. I say this because I've seen diagnoses from medical doctors specializing in the subject get it so wrong. In some cases it can be, for example, medications or lack of the right ones, not totally dementia. That may or may not be discovered, even over time a long period of time. On the other hand sometimes they get it, or some of things, right. There are diagnostic tools that can confirm certain conditions, too. I always listen to medical doctors (MD's) first.
I know how incredibly difficult this can be. I'm fortunate we found a good memory care facility with caring and competent professionals. You sound like a winner. All the best to you. I have confirmed there's lots of good factual and practical information from others on this forum but you obviously shouldn't believe everything you read, particularly when it comes to medicine.