@dillon1981, losing someone who completes you is like tearing out your heart and soul. I can only begin to imagine how this feels. I understand that guilt lingers and at the same time I don't understand. Why does guilt have to invade the sadness? Love is shown in many ways. It sounds like you and your wife shared a close bond - like you said - you were a team and completed each other. I'm confident in your comfort together, she knew your love.

Like you, @mir123 and @IndianaScott lost the soul mates too early in life. While I'm sure your children are sympathetic, they may not "get" it like someone who has experienced the loss of a partner.

Dillon, have you looked into joining a support group in person in your area?

As Colleen commented below--it is devastating loss--and try to not lean into guilt. If I'm honest, I felt survivor's guilt when my first husband died at age 36. Why was I alive and he was not? While this might be natural, this wasn't a reaction that helped me. It took me months before I could eat hard candy--a treat we both enjoyed and shared. It was just difficult to feel...well, that he "gone" somewhere without me. A grief group really helped me--and so did sharing some of this with my then young daughter. Your kids are bereaved too--and I bet concerned about you as well. Even a small conversation with them might help. It isn't a burden on them if you reach out, I think. Sharing grief can make it easier to bear. Keep in touch!