I lost my mom 5 yrs ago yesterday and it seems like it just happened. I’ve done the same to numb my emotional trauma and I had a heart attack 3 wks ago. I stopped everything I was doing because even though I miss her with every breath I need to be here for my family that is here. I need to remember the good times, the fun we had together, our life together here. What happens if I’m gone and then how would my family feel? I couldn’t put another family member through the mental hell I’ve gone through. After having my heart attack I realized why am I doing this? Would my mother want me to do this or would she want me to live and enjoy all the wonderful memories and pass on her legacy through stories and pictures. Please save yourself, you cannot numb it forever. You have to face it. I’m now getting started with emotional support through grief Counceling and it’s helping. I’ll never forget her, I’ll never fill the void but I can keep her alive in my heart with all the wonderful memories we shared. I will always have to ride the waves of emotion and I’ll still cry now and then but I’m still here to make a difference in the peoples lives who are still here with me. Best of luck and many blessings to you.