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You've had a lot of huge losses. Depression is so paralyzing. I can identify with all the things you described. I haven't had the loss like you have. My stressors are currently with relationships and I also struggle with PTSD and ADHD. I take Adderall for the ADHD and you'd think it would help with motivating me to venture into the shower (or do anything really). But it doesn't seem to help that issue. It definitely decreases my anxiety & depression esp in the morning. Please be easy on yourself. You're dealing with a lot. I hope you have a friend who you feel close to. Those kinds of friends are rare. But they can make all the difference sometimes. What my doc says to me is to stay in the moment; don't look back or forward. Just be where you are now. Mindfulness basically. It helps me but it takes a lot of ongoing practice because my brain races. I do hope things improve for you. Keep posting.
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Thank you so much for your kind words. You have a lot to deal with re the PTSD and ADHD too. I have no motivation to do things which were easy to do before this slump. Even brushing my teeth is sometimes an effort. I am currently looking for a psychologist which was suggested by my nurse practitioner who gives me my antidepressants. The problem is that almost 90% will only do virtual help which is not what I need. I want a woman and a one-on-one not just a computer screen (my computer is old) but I still don't want that type of therapy. I did not think that at 77 years of age I would still want to talk with a therapist but I do need to. I feel that I have some OCD. I have some compulsions that I have never had. I do have a wonderful cousin and some lovely friends who listen to me (and I listen to them too) but it's not enough. I don't always want to sound depressed because that can get old. I need to exercise and I am waiting to hear from a physical therapist to help with my balance. I'm rambling so I will stop for now but please feel free to post again I'm not going anywhere. : )