I'm not afraid of the surgery nor of the cancer, but at 54 my quality of life is heavily on my mind. I watched my mother die from breast cancer with the last several years in a bed whacked out of her mind on drugs with zero quality of life.

I'm not illogical, I've always known all of the side effects were possible, I also know that 99% of the guys on here are on here because things didn't work in their favor (or they are gathering info) - the guys what got through it have little reason to be here. I know that, at one point, everything that can be in your favor was in mine: saving both nerve bundles, being young, being healthy, never having ED issues, significant preparation for this - the only real change was the news that I would lose half my nerve bundles. I also know I'm worrying before there is anything to worry about and I know how silly and unproductive that is. Stinkin' thinkin'.

I think I'm just at a place where I still have a few days to just pull the plug on this so it's still a choice of quality of life vs quantity of life.

In the 11th hour I just get bombarded with "well, you'll always have some kind of incontinence, be it occasional or constant" and "you'll never really have any chance of a sex life" and one has to ask if trading in the quality of life versus a few more years of normal life is worth it.

I don't know, I've been through a lot of stuff and consider myself a pretty solid person but this has been pretty tough, and I'm sure it's because it's looming after the weekend.