My deepest condolences to you. When I was 41 my husband, who was 36, died. It was absolutely crushing emotionally. That was 30 years ago, so I've had time to both move on and yes, continue to grieve. People do say incredibly annoying things. My mother-in-law, of all people, said "I hope you'll get married again." Really! I wasn't exactly replacing a dead goldfish. Years later I realized she was just trying to be positive on my account, but it didn't help at the time.

What did help--a lot--a grief group I went to for at least a year. Some counseling via the funeral home. Individual therapy. Reading about widowhood. Keeping a journal. And not depending on other people for understanding--although here I was often surprised--some folks did have helpful things to say. I got a note from a widowed lady, friend of my mom's, old-fashioned French teacher. She said: "I know you can't imagine, but you will feel better." So I'm passing this on to you.

Don't pressure yourself to feel one way or another. I'd say it took me 3-4 months just to come off the shock and 1-2 years to feel functional. And I haven't lived long enough to be "over" it. I'm very happily remarried and have had a lot of life since then but I still often feel acute waves of grief. I don't mind--I'm glad to honor someone I loved so much by missing them.

Please stay in touch. Is there one thing you can try that might help, or at least feel good to try? Are you eating and sleeping? I had trouble with that. walking in nature was/is good for me. I'll be thinking of you.