@pcetng0202 I totally get where you are and have been there though with my mother not a spouse.

One nurse told me things would get easier once the dementia gets worse, which might sound shocking, but she meant that the control and autonomy issues ease up a bit.

In my mother's case, she never knew she had dementia and I would not tell her, ever. We maintained that it was just age. One time she had all her winter clothes for me to take to storage and it was November. I did tell her it was November and we laughed, thank heavens. Humor helped.

Putting whatever you can online for autopay is good. Are you using a medication organizer? Does your spouse insist on setting it up? There are some med organizers with alarms I believe.

For medical appointments, I would send a message beforehand to the doctor (or hand them a note when my mother wasn't looking). You can also make and track appointments on the portal. Assuming you are the primary proxy you can use the portal. If your messages are legal, the MD can write back, but otherwise they won't. You can still write the MD. Sometimes we had phone appointments and my mother would just say hello and then I would go to another room. My mother had to be present legally.

I did a lot of white lies over time. My mother wanted gin and I always took her to a store that did not sell it!!! I also would say "Let's do that tomorrow" and she would forget.

Money and checkbook were the biggest hassles in terms of control. It sounds like your wife may not be there yet for a fake checkbook. I let my mother fiddle with her checks and check register but I actually did everything.

I suggest checking for an in-person support group. In my state the local councils on aging run them. Some therapists are trained to advise us on this situation too. This is a big loss for you along with the subtleties of dealing with control and autonomy issues.