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Obsessions and Selfishness: Just need to vent
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 4 days ago | Replies (28)Comment receiving replies
This is all good advice. It's so easy to focus on my own frustrations and annoyance, but I can do better. My husband has trouble following the plots of our favorite TV series and often doesn't recognize an actor from one scenes to the next. I find this irritating when I have to keep filling him in, but I'm going to change my tone of voice and just be helpful. He wants sexual contact (we let it all out here) and I absolutely don't. I'm fine with hugs and will give a hug anytime, but the sexual stuff I find intrusive. I keep saying, I'm sorry, but I've never spelled it out that I'm just no longer interested in this sort of thing (I'm 79), the way I'm no longer interested in riding a bike, swimming, traveling to Europe. Old age is the time to begin letting go of things. In many ways that's a blessing, because who would want to leave the party while still having a grand old time? My question: should I be more explicit in my explanations to my husband? He's not letting go of the past, that's for sure.
Replies to "This is all good advice. It's so easy to focus on my own frustrations and annoyance,..."
Regarding being explicit, I do hesitate with my husband when sharing info, because he just forgets almost immediately. If there is something I feel he should know, I write it down and put it somewhere prominent. I wrote my husband a note regarding why I'm no longer interested in sex (due to his focus on self and not me, and the awkwardness), and that seemed to help him remember my frustrations, and he'd bring it up from time to time when he'd re-read the 'sex note', acknowledging my frustration.
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Oh - the TV is exactly the same with us. We used to watch so many shows together; we only have one left that he will watch with me. Thank you for sharing that bit.
Not watching TV together and sharing our thoughts / comments is another thing we have lost.
For my situation, I try not to make explicit comments. He will either get mad, take them the wrong way, or throw it back to me as my fault and my problem.
It is much easier for me to try to divert or stall him.
Keep the faith - we understand.