Back in 1992 I had a brain tumor in the right frontal lobe. The MRI also found a growth in the central part of my brain the doctors thought may have been the focus of my epilepsy. They operated quickly, but within the two months that followed the surgery I suffered a severe depression. During those 2 months, I had 3 suicide attempts. During my 3rd attempt, while I was unconscious, I had a revelation from God. He pointed His finger at me & said, "Don't you ever try this again! I've given you 2 chances at rebuilding your life already. This is your 3rd and last chance. Don't you realize how many of the people who love you would be crying if you didn't make it. I want you to share this revelation with those you encounter in your new life. Tell them how real I AM. You will change the lives of many by sharing!" I was soon after placed in the psych ward to help me overcome my depression. The doctors tried me on numerous anti-depressants that didn't work until... in my 3rd week there, they tried me on Lithium. I woke up the next morning feeling like a million bucks. They were surprised and diagnosed me with bi-polar illness, saying if I still felt this good in a week's time I 'd be released, on condition that I see a psychiatrist on a weekly basis. I did, and what a revelation!
With that help, I learned to love myself again. Interestingly I was taken off the Lithium a number of years later & had it replaced with a drug that my neurologist suggested would be better for me. It happened to be Valproic Acid, which was two drugs in one... an anti seizure med and a mood stabilizer, all in one. It became my 'happy pill.' I love my life now & to this day, I no longer suffer from the 'depression' part of bi-polar illness. I have a family that loves me, two children that love me and a 12 year marriage that I cherished. Sadly, my wife at the time didn't understand how I was improving with my mental health. She felt that I was not the man she initially fell in love with any more. She couldn't stand being around me anymore, so she asked for a divorce. I didn't blame her one bit. My attitude had changed drastically, so I gave her the house (which was almost all paid for) and the Cutlass Sierra car we had, on condition that she didn't ask for alimony or child support because I couldn't work any more... I was on welfare, waiting for a disability pension to come through.
I later joined a Seventh Day Adventist church & became a born-again Christian. My life took on a whole new meaning. My disability pension did come in & I learned to live off of it. A few years later, I did have a small period of depression & was placed in a safe house for a month. There, I met a woman who had gone through hell in her life. We went out for coffee every day and cried on each other's shoulders. Thanks to the bi-polar support group I had joined a few years earlier, I had developed a good understanding of mental illness over the years... and became a great support to her. I'd learned to become a good listener. We fell in love with each other & got married, having 5 great years together... until she sadly passed away after a case of breast cancer. I miss her so-o-o. I am now, at age 68, in constant communication with The Lord and walk around with a smile on my face all day long, regardless of the trials of my past. I am happy all day long with The Lord by my side! It makes all the difference being at peace with the life The Lord has placed in front of me. I'm a happy camper... surprising the world I encounter considering ALL I've been through! Amen!