I could have written this. My husband will not see a doctor either, but does chores, is clean although wears the same sweatshirt several days in a row--but same with TV, same with response to my saying anything critical--absolutely can't stand criticism and goes on and on rationalizing about why I am wrong.
If I am calm, I can let this lie; I see a therapist and have learned some ways to defuse if I can maintain my self control. He gets worse with anxiety; then he is unreasonable. Calmness, having things stay the same, a little love pat, saying that I love him, encouraging him to talk on the phone with his son or one friend, encouraging his little projects (rolling up aluminum foil in balls, for example)--help keep the peace and his mind. I will also say, call our-of-state son when he gets irrational--which doesn't help during business hours. He is 88 years old, by the way; I am 84. I know he knows and it scares him to death; the future is unknown and hard to prepare for various hypothetical situations. I hope you have family help; I am fortunate--caring "children" (56 and 61). I lean on them a lot. Love and courage to you...