@barelyhere1 That is a great song by Casting Crowns, a Christian band that has many songs that have helped me to get through some difficult times in my life. I cannot even imagine the pain you are experiencing losing your daughter via suicide. I know it may be difficult for some to talk about suicide, like it's a dirty word. For me, I wish we talked about it more, it is not taboo, or at least it shouldn't be. I work in mental health and have learned one thing about grieving that has been helpful to share with others. Grief is the evidence of having loved. It demonstrates just how much we loved/continue to love even in death. The pain can be extraordinary, but we would not feel it so acutely for so long if there hadn't been love. What everyone has said about grief is true, there unfortunately is no roadmap through it or therapy protocol to heal. I think someone mentioned celebrating the life of the lost loved one. I think this is a terrific idea to focus on the life that was lived vs focusing on the loss/death. We each walk through grief in different ways, and we all experience a lot of the same emotions through the roller-coaster of grief. Please hang in for the sake of your other children and your grandchildren. There are days I struggle with suicidal thoughts but then I think about my granddaughter, she's almost 2, her presence in my life gives me the courage and strength to go on another day or another hour. Try to focus on the lives of those still here with you and the love you share with them, while remembering the good times you shared with your daughter who has passed. As a therapist myself working with suicidal clients, if someone tells me they are thinking about ending their lives, I assess for the level of risk, create or review a safety plan. I only hospitalize people who are communicating that if they leave my office they WILL die by suicide. I don't want people to be afraid to tell me their thoughts and feelings, because what is the point of therapy if you can't share your dark truths, understandable truths given what you have been through? My thoughts and prayers are with you through your grief stricken heart. I would encourage you not to see yourself as broken, instead see yourself as some one who has survived to this point, no matter how difficult it is. Try to find hope in the happy memories and live in those spaces as much as you can, this may mitigate your grief somewhat for a while, but I think that is better than the alternative. Please take care of yourself, give yourself grace and mercy and forgiveness. The world is a better place with you in it.