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Peripheral Neuropathy & Conversation Fatigue?
Neuropathy | Last Active: 3 days ago | Replies (50)Comment receiving replies
What to do when there are no friends your age?
I do think that over 80, you rarely escape without some kind of ailment. Of course, it depends on how debilitating it is. You cannot act like all is smooth if you are "walking funny" or have an injury that you can't cover up.
I know attitude is BIG, RESPONSE is huge, but I need some pointers. i.e.
So, say someone stops in. First thing out of their mouth is "How're you doin'?" (or similar)
Do you say "fine?" Do you say, "You don't have time for it all?" Do you say, "This and that?"
It probably depends on how close the friend is, but I don't want to say I am OK when I feel terrible... but it does not show. I have pain all the time in some way or another. Tell me a good answer without a big lie, that is different than "Doing the Best I Can." Any ideas? I just turned 90, have PN arthritis, sciatica, constant headache,
but none of that shows. Some new ideas or suggestions are needed for a decent response to "How are you?"
All ideas will be welcomed! Thanks!
Replies to "What to do when there are no friends your age? I do think that over 80,..."
Dear fala (@fala)
“Some new ideas or suggestions are needed for a decent response to ‘How are you?’”
I read your post a little earlier and was trying to think of an honest answer: How do I respond when a friend asks how I’m doing? I wasn’t coming up with much when my laptop went “Ping!”: a new poem from a friend; I’ll call her “Fran.” Fran, a published poet, is in her early 90s and still teaching English lit at a local community college. As Fran would tell it, there’s not much left to her body that’s still working right. When she tells a friend that, she’ll tell it with a smile, laughing, waving a hand as if to make the pain go away. Often, Fran will follow up by sending the friend one of what she calls her “hospital poems.” What I just received is obviously her latest “hospital poem” called “Cardiology Fandango.” Reading it, I laughed out loud. I wish I could share it with you. I realize that Fran’s way of answering the question, “How are you?” is not for everyone. It’s truly unique. Still, I thought it was worth telling you about. Fran’s one of a kind. I only wish I could be half as clever when I’m asked, “How are you?” 🙂
My very best to you, @fala!
Ray (@ray666)
I usually go with "Been better, been worse" when asked how I am, then leave it up to them to ask to hear more (or not.) When my husband occasionally reaches his limit with my medical talk, he just honestly says "I don't have the bandwidth right now, can we talk about this later?" I appreciate that. It's a good reminder that, while I might be laser-focused on research and trying to find answers for my health issues, there are other things in life to talk about. 🙂
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It seems the response that I’ve been settling into over time is “I have good days and bad days, and today is going xxxx”. I usually put something positive in to some degree: ok, not too bad, pretty well, or really great! So I’m being positive but not trying to give them some false impression that everything is good all the time or that I’m getting better, and at the same time hoping we move on to the next subject so I don’t become one of those friends who become depressing or irritable to be around because I’m always talking about bad health. I think very few people really want to hear it and they can’t understand what we’re going through.