I’m so sorry. Perhaps you should try to realise that if you have four people who love you so dearly, you are a person very worth loving. You must accept this and start loving yourself.

I have complex ptsd, and it seems autism and adhd too. I have been married for 53 years in April, very happily. I have a son and daughter, and two grandchildren. The relationship with my daughter completely broke down after my suicide attempt 21 years ago. I don’t have any friends, and have rarely left the house for the last four years. I am disabled physically with a spinal problem, and have had to undergo a number of surgeries. These included a hysterectomy when I was 24 years old; removal of gall bladder; appendix; 2 vertebral discs; corda equina, plus the problems that preceded them. I have a couple of times a week when I simply don’t sleep at all, so I watch films whilst wearing headphones. I am only mentioning these things so that you understand that I really sympathise with what you have experienced. Although I find it difficult, I accept that I have problems, not all of which are curable.

Despite all this, for the most part I am happy and content. My husband and son are wonderful, and our family is complete with three dogs. I read, watch films, and am doing an online course on telepathic communication. I also love listening to all sorts of music, and play some instruments myself. Another great interest has been tracing back both our families, and seeing the results of our dna tests.
I have found that becoming more spiritual has helped me enormously. I try not to compare myself with others, and to not let myself allow my problems to ever take ‘central stage.’ I try not to talk to about them, and feel that if I do, I am allowing them to ‘exist’ more. This must sound like gibberish, but it helps me! By no means am I saying that you shouldn’t talk to others, if that is what you need to do. We are all different, and have different solutions to our problems. I simply hope that telling you my story will at least help by showing that you are not alone, and that there are others who fully understand what you are going through.