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What creative ways do you cope with grief?
I”m a fan of rituals for grief and mourning. Some can be found within organized religion—like the Jewish custom of lighting a candle for the deceased on the anniversary of their death. And some can be private. My first husband, Robert, has been dead for 29 years. This year I felt the urge to do something special. I bought two helium balloons—one black and one heart-shaped white. Then I let them go and watched them disappear—so quickly—into an azure sky. I can’t say what this “means”—just that it felt right. I think that often ceremony, art, and other expressions can be very helpful in terms of grief. We don’t just have to hold it in or try and get over it. Can anyone share their experiences with this? I’d love to know!
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Please keep in touch with us. That is a great deal to be going through. I hope you find a support group--tell us if it helps! My own experience--I was in a grief support group for about a year after I was widowed and it helped a lot, just being around people when I didn't have to act"OK."
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2 ReactionsI lost my husband to cancer September 15 2024. I dont know if these are rituals for grieving but I do talk with him when I am in the car I also have sprayed his cologne on a stuffed animal he had in the hospital during treatment and give it a hug when I just need that connection with him. I also have an app on my phone for journaling and I use that to "text" him stuff not every day. I have found that I am doing these things less now then I was the first couple of months.
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2 ReactionsThese seem like beautiful ways for you to "keep in touch" with your husband. And it sounds like they help, even as the need might lessen. The journaling app that you use to "text" sounds like something I do from time to time--write a letter to a dead person I miss. I just keep it in my journal, but I think I could "send" it by burning or burying in the earth. But for now I'm content to just check in. thanks for reminding me that I can reach out as needed.
Coffee with my spouse 🙂
Nice idea. I guess I just talk whenever something on t v
comes up. I kept a voice message for awhile but found
it was too painful to listen to. It is the worst pain ever....
partly because you can't do a darn thing about it.
Tell me what the " lot of good" has been?? K
I am a great believer in journal writing...because you become two different people. First you are the writer & sometimes amaze yourself with what comes out of your
pen/mind & it is cathartic.
Second you become a reader when you go back & consider what was written a few days or months or even years ago.
You are a different person now with a different perspective
and you learn from yourself! ( can you tell I both taught writing & was a therapist :)... 🙂 K
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1 ReactionNice of you to ask about the good. Because my first husband died when I was 41 I've had almost thirty years of going on without him. First and foremost--I was able to raise our young daughter and keep us afloat. That was something I'd never expected, and frankly had a lot of self doubt about. Now she is grown, and a mom--so I get to be a grandmother. I do think being relatively young helped me go forward. I had to get a full-time job, and I did re-marry and have had many happy years with my second husband. Happier, I think, than if I hadn't been widowed because I try to be more accepting and nag less (I hope!). But other than life going on, I did discover strength in myself, and a lot of gratitude. Still, and this may seem odd, I miss my first husband quite frequently, and think of funny or wise things he'd say, or what he'd think about the present moment. Since he is the reason I even posted about creative ways to express grief I guess I have to say I'll always know how central and important he remains to me.
I enjoyed your thoughts on journaling. Maybe grief and appreciation are also a kind of double that go along together?
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1 ReactionRituals are important. I lost my wife (BFF) to glioblastoma. As a former academic I did what I knew how to do. I wrote (journaling) and wrote and wrote. I placed every emotion I felt in my journal. I kept a supply of Kleenex nearby, they came in handy. I continue to write. I transformed my journal writing into a podcast writing sharing short reflections on grieving and more importantly healing and embracing the life that is waiting for us. My podcast is called Journey from Grief to Healing. I know that writing and letting it all hang out have been a big benefit for me on this journey.
I said "wow" aloud as I was reading this. The podcast sounds like an amazing next step. Is it ongoing? My experience is that grief can transform, just not on any schedule or fixed time line. Thanks for adding this in--an inspiration.
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1 ReactionThank you for your comment. I publish a new podcast each week (Mondays), some weeks I publish two. The whole goal of my podcast is to help people who are grieving know that an abundant life waits for them. I hope that they, like me, can carry cherished memories forward, and discover the good that is waiting for them
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