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Help me explain to friends why i often have to cancel plans
Chronic Pain | Last Active: 2 days ago | Replies (25)Comment receiving replies
Hi @tripp7, you articulated your condition so well in your first post. Can you tell your friends exactly what you wrote? If it's difficult, put it in writing. A shorter version might work as they sound kind of impatient and insensitive.
You should be prepared that, after your disclosure, members of the fast moving group may move on.
As @loriesco pointed out, it may be time to make some new friends, either similar in age or if younger, with an understanding of how pain and disabilities, can alter one's quality of life and slow it down.
Maybe get involved in support groups or groups that focus on activities that can be done at a slower pace.
Also, find activities that you can enjoy on your own to give yourself peace and pleasure.
Sometimes in life we just have to say goodbye and be willing to part with people and activities that aren't working anymore, that become a source of pain and aggravation.
I wish you the best.
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I might’ve been a little quick in my reply as well. Pain does that to us sometimes right? I should’ve stated an empathetic reaction 1st before I went into ways to deal with it.
What I have found over the years is that most people cannot empathize it’s a rare quality. Most people can at most sympathize. They’ll feel sorry for you, but if ya show contradictory behavior, then they will victim shame you.
I had to cervical spine surgeries in June and July 2023. I haven’t healed completely and I lost mobility in the fusion fusions and when they stuck a rod in my back. Yet my very own son was yelling at me that I could reach something and I was just faking it Last week. It was crazy. Of course he is crazy and has schizophrenia so that is part of it but still it’s very toxic to be around people that try and shame you and hope that you will stop complaining or will behave differently. I do not want to be around those people. I’ve had doctors do that to me. I’ve had the pain management doctor do that to me, which was also crazy. I’ve had people yell at me because I walked too fast exiting my car and park in a handicap zone my neighbors get together on Saturday afternoon since Covid started in 2019. They have a rule that you can’t talk politics, medical problems, and one more thing I can’t remember at the moment. If I can’t share my medical issues at time, my complications with healing, the fatigue and whatever else then it’s in common on me to find stuff I can talk about that is engaging with them or respect what they’ve agreed to and realize I won’t get any sympathy or empathy there. We have to accept that some places won’t provide us the support where after. When we realize that it’s up to us to responsibly find a way to meet our own needs elsewhere. Good luck.