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Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: 9 hours ago | Replies (72)Comment receiving replies
My situation is a little different from yours, but also has some similarities. I have been married to another man for 15 years. Last year he was diagnosed with MCI and this year (in October 2024) he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. It was a shock for me. I became anxious when I projected myself into the future and I felt enormous sadness when thinking about the beautiful moments of our relationship. Eventually, I could not stay in that terrible state, and I made a list of what were my currents personal needs. I needed to plan for the future, but also stay in the present, cope with the situation which is sometimes stressful and enter in a process of grieving a lot of things. But beyond all that I needed to talk, especially with people who are going through the same things as me. I think seeing a therapist (which I also do) is excellent. I am also looking for a support group for people living with someone with Alzheimer's. I will talk to my husband’s neurologist for references. I am sure that would help. In addition, I have found a hobby that has become a kind of passion. I joined a group with which it is pleasant to exchange on our common activity. This allows me to stay connected with life outside of the disease.
That being said, I cherish every moment I spend now with my darling. We continue to have a fulfilling relationship despite the hard times. It is not always easy, but the illness is there and we have to find ways to adapt and stay connected.
I do not know if my comment is helpful to you, but I hope you meet a network of support in this ordeal that is experienced every day. Good luck and I wish you find want you need in 2025.
Replies to "My situation is a little different from yours, but also has some similarities. I have been..."
Thank you for participating in this forum! I've been following these posts for a couple of years and yours is the first post I've seen from a self-identified gay man. I'm a woman married to a woman. We've been partners since 1985 and married since 2003, so we've weathered a few "in sickness and in health" situations together already. However, her cognitive impairment is a whole new world that we struggle to cope with every day. We're fortunate to have strong friendship circles, including both individual and mutual friends, and we live in a large liberal city, so we rarely if ever are directly confronted by homophobia, but I worry (probably excessively) about the future. With no children or siblings who can care for us as we age (we are both mid-70s now), we will eventually need to move to a senior living community, and she may need to be in assisted living memory care at some point. How can I make sure that we end up in a situation where we'll be accepted for who we are? My challenge is to stay focused on the present, which is still very good if often frustrating. Like you, I achieve some balance in my life through an outside activity (storytelling) that is both creative and social, but it also adds stress because of scheduled gigs and deadlines. It's not something I can sustain as caregiving responsibilities at home ramp up, and that makes me so sad to contemplate. We're lucky that her MCI is progressing very slowly, and we're able to talk about it honestly and try different adjustments that maintain her dignity and independence as much as possible. We both experience moments of despair, but usually on different days!
Anyway, it sounds like you and I are in fairly similar situations, so if you ever need someone to listen or bounce an idea off or just vent, feel free to get in touch.
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Thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m so sorry to hear his condtion was confirmed to be Alzheimer’s . It’s something that certainly is in the back of all of our minds when the uncertainty of an MCI diagnosis is given.
It certainly sounds like you have given careful thought to your situation and options & have with the help of your therapist arrived at a plan you can move forward with.
When I was looking for a support group for MCI, it seemed they were few & far between. It seems there are more Alzheimer’s support groups around. I would definitely encourage you to check out your options. I can emphasize enough how helpful the responses from the people on this site have been to me. I feel like I’ve been given a new lease on life just being able to have a discourse with people in situations similar to mine. It’s so hard when you feel you have no one but your therapist to talk to. Getting feedback from others has been tremendously helpful. I’m so appreciative of everyone who has taken the time to write. Another thing that has been helpful for me is journaling. I sometimes share what I have written with my therapist. That too sometimes helps to seek clarity.
I still have unresolved issues I’m working on. We’ve been married for 52 years but not all has been bliss so I’m finding there are unresolved issues that also act as blocks for me & what I feel willing to do. It’s complicated. I’m so thankful for my counselor.
Thanks again for writing. I’m sorry it was confirmed that it’s AD you are dealing with. I would encourage you to contact the Alzheimer’s Association. I understand they have a lot of resources available. I wish you the best as you move forward.