I’m sorry you feel so bad. I have also had much trauma in my life and have to deal with a family member that is mean and cruel, a bully to the core. I’m not totally deaf but have profound hearing loss in my right ear and moderate in my left. I learned ASL many years ago but have forgotten most of it as others in my life refused to learn. My doctor has suggested a CI but I just don’t want it. It feels incredibly invasive.
I would be glad to communicate with you any time and would hope that through this forum, I could provide you with some support.
Take care and Happy New Year!