1. < Gynecologic Cancers

What can I do to help my daughter with Vulva cancer?

Posted by abotha5 @abotha5, Dec 10, 2024

I am the father of a 40 year old daughter who was diagnosed with Vulva cancer. The symptom's started more than a year ago but was brushed away by her Doctor who said it was nothing serious and to just use some cream. She finally decided to seek a second opinion and was told, without a biopsy that she was terminal with Vulva cancer. She received this news in March this year but treatment has only started recently. They say they cant operate she will die from infections. At last check the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes and one is attached to her pelvic bone. She is now getting chemo. They are also trying to sort out her pain medicine, but have already flushed her twice. I suspect they are just trying to extend her life a bit by trying to shrink the ulcers. So much for Government Healthcare in Canada. What can she do to help herself. All and any advise is appreciated. My heart is broken. She is my first born. No Father should have to bury his child.

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Mentor
Helen, Volunteer Mentor | @naturegirl5 | Dec 23, 2024
In reply to @abotha5 "No I am not near my daughter. I visited her for 17 days 3 weeks ago...." + (show)
@abotha5

No I am not near my daughter. I visited her for 17 days 3 weeks ago. I now live in Thailand due to the cost of living in Canada. If I remained in Canada I would be homeless. I talk to my daughter every day.

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@abotha5 Thank you for the updates and for posting your daughter’s update. It’s good you were able to visit your daughter in Canada and that you can talk with her every day. It’s so very painful to watch your child go through this. She has you, her father, to talk with and for emotional support. Who do you talk with for your own support?

Does your daughter travel to Toronto for her treatments?

REPLY
gisellef | @gisellef | Dec 23, 2024
In reply to @naturegirl5 "@abotha5 I so sad as I read this. She must be in a lot of pain...." + (show)
@naturegirl5

@abotha5 I so sad as I read this. She must be in a lot of pain. So your daughter is in the Toronto area in southern Ontario? Do you know if she is now seen locally in her town by an oncologist? If so can she get into a major medical center in Toronto to be seen? Or does she have to stay within her region for care and needs a referral to go somewhere else?

In the U.S., we often recommend the National Cancer Institute designated cancer centers. Mayo Clinic is on this list.

-- https://www.cancer.gov/research/infrastructure/cancer-centers

Here is a Canadian list by province.

Canadian Cancer Centres:

-- https://comp-ocpm.ca/english/career-education/career-resources/canadian-cancer-centres.html

The Princess Margaret Cancer Centre is university-affiliated and keeps coming up.

-- https://comp-ocpm.ca/english/career-education/career-resources/canadian-cancer-centres.html

I am going to tag @colleenyoung as she may have other suggestions for you.

Are you located near your daughter?

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Just a quick comment about some of the intricacies of the Canadian healthcare system. It is very difficult to access what we might consider better or more specialized care from cancer hospitals w/o a referral from the oncologist that you started with. If they are inclined to make the referral, the first and sometimes only option would be a hospital within the same jurisdiction. For those living in Ontario Princess Margaret Hospital would be the option of choice, as that would not require the Government of Ontario to interact with the government of another province on the financial end. However, there are no requirements for that hospital to accept the referral. (By the way, Princess Margaret has an excellent reputation and is one of the best, if not the best in the country. To my knowledge, referrals outside the province of residence are quite rare and would seldom be considered unless there is an uncommonly compelling reason for it. And even with a referral to a large cancer center in the province of residence there is no guarantee that the patient will be accepted.
This reality is one of the major disadvantages of Canadian healthcare. We have traded away personal autonomy in return for not having to pay personally for our care. As nothing is free in our world, and the cost of care, which can be very high, has to come from somewhere—then if not from premiums, then the other option is from much higher taxes. Something to consider for those looking to reform the systems we have.
Happy Holidays to all.

REPLY
1 reply
abotha5 | @abotha5 | Dec 23, 2024
In reply to @gisellef "Just a quick comment about some of the intricacies of the Canadian healthcare system. It is..." + (show)
@gisellef

Just a quick comment about some of the intricacies of the Canadian healthcare system. It is very difficult to access what we might consider better or more specialized care from cancer hospitals w/o a referral from the oncologist that you started with. If they are inclined to make the referral, the first and sometimes only option would be a hospital within the same jurisdiction. For those living in Ontario Princess Margaret Hospital would be the option of choice, as that would not require the Government of Ontario to interact with the government of another province on the financial end. However, there are no requirements for that hospital to accept the referral. (By the way, Princess Margaret has an excellent reputation and is one of the best, if not the best in the country. To my knowledge, referrals outside the province of residence are quite rare and would seldom be considered unless there is an uncommonly compelling reason for it. And even with a referral to a large cancer center in the province of residence there is no guarantee that the patient will be accepted.
This reality is one of the major disadvantages of Canadian healthcare. We have traded away personal autonomy in return for not having to pay personally for our care. As nothing is free in our world, and the cost of care, which can be very high, has to come from somewhere—then if not from premiums, then the other option is from much higher taxes. Something to consider for those looking to reform the systems we have.
Happy Holidays to all.

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Thank you very much for your advice. I have communicated it to my daughter. She lives in Milton Ontario so yes the Princess Margaret is in the same province

REPLY
abotha5 | @abotha5 | Dec 31, 2024

I have an update from my daughter. I apologize if what she communicates offends you. I don't want to change it as it wouldn't be the true experience. Please bear with us. She has done her 2nd, much stronger Chemo. What follows is what she is experiencing:
Hey dad, it’s been a rough couple of days. The chemo is kicking my ass. My Nurse says I am in the middle part of it now and soon I should be moving to the end. I just can’t get rid of the nausea and upset stomach. That is the worst. I also can’t manage to stay awake. I have also developed neuropathy now, which is driving me up the wall specially in my fingers.

Sorry if all I do is complain, but that’s what I feel like doing. I feel like complaining because it sucks.
I’m at my worst of my chemo treatment right now sorry to be crude, but the diarrhoea and nausea is in full force. It is a very, very hard thing to go through the last part of chemo. You will just walk and then all of a sudden diarrhoea and you have no control. It just comes.. that’s why I prefer to just sleep it out. You know what I mean.
I also have so much nausea this time something I didn’t have last time . Thank God I have medication for that. It is made eating very hard. I just have premier protein shakes. That’s the only thing I can tolerate.

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