I’m no expert, but an attorney who focuses on estate planning and long term care costs can likely provide specific advice. I’ve used one before for an extended family member. Also, a rep from a nursing home can also provide some input.

If a person requires skilled nursing care in a nursing home, (some dementia patients do. It depends on their condition. Memory Care is often in Assisted Living facilities and is not skilled nursing care. The distinction is important.) But if in nursing home, they (Medicaid. Local social services often processes the application) will review applicant for income and assets. The way it works is complicated, but when a spouse lives in the home, there is a provision to let that alone. The goal is to not leave the spouse impoverished. They look at the applicant’s income, but if the spouse needs it, they allow them to keep it, assuming it’s social security. Someone who works with this kind of thing would be able to review your information and provide specific advice. I highly recommend it.

State programs that help pay for qualified applicants for Assisted Living and Memory Care, don’t necessarily follow the same policies to help the spouse remaining in the home. That’s why the nursing home offers more financially, even if you feel you don’t qualify.

Good luck with everything. I know it’s stressful.