Connect
← Return to Support group for partners of those with depression
Discussion
Support group for partners of those with depression
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Dec 28, 2024 | Replies (9)Comment receiving replies
My husband is severely depressed and won’t get help, typical 70+ male. I’ve been trying to support him for 6 months at least to help him through this. It is not working and now is taking me down. This is so hard to watch this strong man change before my eyes. I feel so helpless. I know I need to talk to someone but we are also in the middle of a move to a different area. Just looking for tips in the meantime
Replies to "My husband is severely depressed and won’t get help, typical 70+ male. I’ve been trying to..."
@tstrepy ,
Welcome to Mayo Connect, you're in the tough position of being a caring and supportive wife while protecting your mental health. Do you think the stress of moving to a another location is adding to the depression?
Even if you or your husband established care with someone to help with depression at current location, you would have to start over again at new location.
You might start by establishing care with new primary care providers at new location. Set up appointments now so that once you move you have someone to talk to. Even if you husband does not like going to providers, it is something both of you will need to do.
When do you plan on relocating? Do you know people in new area?
Connect
@tstrepy Boundaries are very essential to YOUR sanity and stability. It is important, as stated in my previous reply, taking time to be kind to yourself--mani/pedi's, massages, coffee with friends away from the house/your husband. It is heartbreaking to watch someone we love change so dramatically and, at times, very quickly. Remember, he will not change until he is ready and willing to do so for himself. If he does it for you, the changes are likely to be temporary--the next disagreement may send him back to the way he is now, prior to change, so it is imperative that he do this for himself. It will take time for him to come to understand that this rut is not one he needs to remain in and see that there are much more meaningful things outside of himself worth the work of therapy, possibly medication, etc. Please remember that you are not responsible for his emotional/mental health. Support him where you can with gentle and loving kindness, learning when to step away from telling him what you think/hope/desire that he should do. And, finally, try not to beat yourself up about this, he is in control of himself. If you find yourself beating yourself up emotionally or thinking poorly of yourself, ask yourself if you would use these same words if a friend were going through what you are. If the answer is no, talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend and give yourself some mercy and grace. I hope things get better in the new year and that you find a support network/group (other than this one) that will be helpful for your healing. Praying for hope and healing for you both.