Thank you very much. I have realized that "my family" has never and will ever accept me for who I am, even if I think I am a terrific person and friend to all. The problem with my two older sisters (yes, I was unwanted and knew this my entire life) is that they never had the fortitude to seek help to overcome the terrible abuse at the hands of our parents, even if they say today, "our parents were so ill-equipped to have children." And me, the unwanted one, my sister said, "that may have been true, but you were spoiled rotten..." Yes, I was. And sometimes I used it to my advantage as a kid, as I felt it was "payback" for all of the awful things that my parents put me through. Earlier today I went to visit my best friend, CJ who has dementia and who I will see on Christmas Day, and I fell into her arms and sobbed like a child, asking her to just hold me...and I sure felt better even if she did not understand why I was so upset. Even as I write this I am crying because I know that "my family" has always thought I was some kind of freak, even if I am kind, grateful and talented. And as far as my sister's husband, I was telling a friend over the weekend that the last time I saw my brother in law, I had this awful thought: "karma is real." He abused me, cheated on his wife right in front of her and his family. I had to tell my mother when I was 12 that my brother in law was doing things to me that scared me, and thank God she listened to me. Of course, my sister has no memory of this either because of her denial system or her own memory issues. I have a memory like an elephant, which I attribute to the kind of work I did all my life: insurance litigation fact finder. I can't help myself and sometimes I wish I did not have such a good memory, but such is life. And as far as my other sister disowning me 5 years ago, I feel like it is her loss and not mine. My oldest sister, who practically raised me, may be angry and grief stricken about her demented husband, but I have done nothing but help her, encourage her, not judge her for waiting as long as she did to place in him memory care. Even when I was at her house, every time I left she would say, "do not talk to anyone..." Guess what, I talked to everyone and anyone because that is the kind of community she lives in.."people are really nice." If her kids want her to move, fine. But I have already made up my mind not to provide her with anymore help, at least not for a very long time. Case in point: she comes to town on Mondays to volunteer at the Assistance League, a national organization that has great resale shops, and is nearby. She always calls me to let me know she is coming, but today she did not. I found this very telling, in light of the fact that she said she was going to drop off some things that I had left at her house. For now, life is going to be all about "Frances," and those who are kind and generous to me, support me. I rarely complain or ask for help. Even when I had an infusion at her house last week, she hid in her bedroom because "she cannot handle it.." What, an infusion needle in my arm that is providing me with medication that makes me feel like a racehorse? Twisted and weird. I am not curled up in a ball feeling sorry for myself, and I can tell you that I know many who share my disease who are immobilized, and I understand. It was not easy in the beginning of my treatment, but I remain grateful for the life it has given me, which means I can help others, educate others about immune deficiency etc. In fact, on one of my walks at my sister's house I ran into a woman whose husband who had had a lung transplant a year ago, is getting the same IVIG that I am getting, and after talking to her I told her about the immune deficiency foundation and how they could help her and her husband with any medical questions, support groups and things of that nature. So yeah, I talk a lot. I do know that the recent head injury has been difficult for me, as I am going to bed at 0300 each "night." all of which is attributed to the dexamethadose that was given to me for headaches. Even though the drug is out of my system, my doctor has advised that the drug can change one's brain chemistry and that is why I feel like a "wind up toy" most of the time. This will pass. A friend suggested audio books and movies I like in an effort to avoid the computer, and I am working on this, sometimes closing my eyes when I watch movies because the eye pain is "over the top." I remain hopeful that the laser treatment for the glaucoma will help....I am told it can "hurt for a while, " and even though the doctor's office is near my sister's, I am not going to stay with her again for a very long time, if ever again. I have been handing out passes to my sisters for years, and I think it would be okay to stop, especially since she reminded me that it is my fault I have no family. I think it is the other way around, if that makes sense. I am smart, kind, selfless and have always done what she asked of me. Not any more, and I think she has realized that by lashing out at me as she did, was a huge mistake. And while this may sound juvenile, my brain got the best of me when I sent her an email earlier wishing her a nice holiday "with her family." Happy winter solstice to all of you. Tomorrow I am going to church for the early service which is for the kids and I think I will have "fun."