You have a medical problem. It need not lead to death, remembering that none of us get out of life, alive.
I totally understand your feelings about death because I share them. I want to live as long as possible and I am willing to do whatever is necessary to stay alive and reasonably healthy.
Even during the two times when I was in excruciating pain, I had no desire to croak!
So behave yourself; be conscientious about getting medical care from the best doctors, surgeons, and medical centers possible. Your health needs to be a too priority! Best wishes!