@oliverviolin Oliver, thank you kindly for your words. This is your chance to redefine how you think about yourself and how you can reinvent who you are. Life has a way of taking detours sometimes, and it is in using creativity to overcome the challenges that you can grow as a person. When I was facing loss of coordination in my arms because of the spine injury, it was a real turning point for me. I was also facing a significant and disabling level of fear because I knew that if I did nothing, my disability would become permanent, not just the ability to paint, but anything else where I was holding my arms up like driving a car or pushing a shopping cart and I was already walking with a limp. I remember being so exhausted after 45 minutes at the grocery store that I had to take a nap in the car before I could drive myself home. There was only one good choice, and to get there, I had to let go of how I saw myself. I was fortunate that I had a choice to prevent a disability.

I looked to other people I knew who had overcome significant medical adversity and had emerged victorious. One of those people was a well known musician, Pete Huttlinger, who was born with a serious congenital heart defect and in his early 50's, it became life threatening causing a stroke. Pete was a virtuoso on the guitar and played and toured with John Denver. The stroke took away his ability to play the guitar. Pete decided to teach himself to play guitar again, and he did. He also was the first person to have a ventricular assistance device permanently installed to help his heart pump blood. This had only been used as a temporary measure to bridge time while waiting for a heart transplant. Unfortunately, he wasn't a candidate for a transplant because the great vessels of the heart were in the wrong place. With his heart pump, Pete was able to walk a half marathon and he showed everyone what was possible. His motto was "don't just live, live well!"

The other person who helped me was Wayne Messmer, a well known singer in Chicago who sings the national anthem for sports teams. I came to know Wayne because indirectly, I played a small part in his recovery after a gun shot took his voice in a robbery attempt. After emergency surgery that saved his life, Wayne spent a lot of time in therapy recovering the ability to sing again. My husband and I were playing concerts in a community band in a park, and Wayne's house overlooked that park from a distance. As his first public singing performance since the injury, he and his wife were invited to sing Broadway show tunes with our band. It was after this, that he sang the national anthem live again at a sporting event as his return to a performing career. Wayne and his wife performed every year with our community band. I was playing mallet percussion.

Wayne's story

I asked Wayne about his courage when I had to face my own fears, and he told me that you don't really know what you are capable of until you are tested. Wayne had not only physically recovered, but he visited the young man in jail who had pulled the trigger and forgave him. He found that gratitude could overcome the anger and fear of his injury which is an important lesson in itself. Wayne told me that if my choice was to undergo spine surgery or loose my talent for art, then I must choose to save my talent because it was too important to loose.

I was facing fear, but not a life threatening event, and the examples these friends set taught me a lot about a transformation of myself through this process of medical intervention. It's easy to see yourself with a problem you wish you didn't have and the grief and loss of your ability. The challenge is to look to yourself to make the choices to solve the problem instead of giving in to defeat and find an alternate route instead of sitting at a road block. It is a journey of self discovery, gratitude, and you will find yourself again and evolve into a new existence having been changed for the better.

I was classically trained in fine art and focused on painting in watercolor and oil. I did a fair number of charcoal drawings in life drawing class. During my recovery after spinal fusion in my neck at Mayo, what I wanted to do most was to paint a portrait of the surgeon who gave me back the ability to do that (after some rehab). I did regain the strength and coordination of holding my arm out to paint and I followed through with my goal of painting my surgeon. It was my first post- operative painting and it took a month to complete. It was my mountain to climb to see if I could do it well enough, and within the standards I had set for myself. It allowed me to express my gratitude and to heal emotionally from a loss that had now become a victory for me. There are references to finding my work online in my videos.

My Mayo story
https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/using-the-art-of-medicine-to-overcome-fear-of-surgery/
I also recorded the creation of the painting. At the end of the video, you'll see my surgeon with the painting and a note he wrote to me. It's a time lapse set to instrumental music. I hope you like it and find it inspiring.

Also wishing you peace, health, and lots of beautiful artistic musical expression,
Jennifer