@melbourneaussie69, hello, I just wanted to start by saying that I feel very sorry for all your health problems, it’s not easy to endure so much pain and suffering, your body and mind have taken a beating and feeling the way you do is definitely not an uncommon thing. It takes a lot of strength and courage to go through so much and it would be great if you felt better afterwards but alas our bodies and minds need their own time to heal, I believe that you have done the best you could do to get through this and it’s not your fault. The medications can often make things worse because some of us don’t respond to them easily and that makes it difficult to move forward, I also struggle with anxiety and depression from having lung cancer twice and although I’m truly grateful to survive this I still feel so bad, I also tried many things to help me but nothing ever worked out. The last antidepressant that I tried was also Mirtazapine and it was really awful, I gave it up after two months and it took forever to leave my system, I’m also using marijuana gummies and they give me some help with my sleep and mind set. I don’t think you’re suicidal, just tired and frustrated but try and stay strong and keep telling yourself that it’s going to get better over time, enjoy your loved ones and take it easy, good luck to you and best wishes, Frouke.