Staving off fear

It's still new news to you. It's going to take time for your brain to get over the trauma of hearing about a cancer recurrance. I was diagnosed with cancer in late July. I've had all the things for a first time diagnosis; surgery, chemo, I just completed chemotherapy.

I did all the things your doing from the beginning.I'm just know feeling emotionally better.

Keep up what you are doing. When the plan for your treatment is developed you feel calmer. Once you understand how the treatment will effect you you will feel better.

Keep up the faith. You anxiety will reduce with time

Denise

@jennvd My endometrial cancer (endometroid adenocarcinoma, FIGO Grade 1) was first diagnosed in 2019. I had a recurrence in late 2021 that was “caught” by the pelvic exams I had in oncology. I was filled with anxiety and fear with that first diagnosis and began to feel better once I had an appointment with the oncologist and had a plan. The recurrence? That really threw me into even more fear as I thought I was in the clear (I had a radical hysterectomy in 2019 and was staged 1a). After additional testing with PET/MR showed no tumor and no other disease I was referred to radiation oncology. Honestly, again, I did not start to feel the fear and anxiety lessen until there was a plan in place.

Anxiety has been in my life since I was a child. It was only as an adult that I learned some practices and tips that help me to better manage the surges of anxiety. I practice mindfulness and I move whenever I’m feeling very anxious. I find that mornings are the worst for me and so if I wake up with fear I get myself out of bed right away and move. I find that movement in the form of walking, yoga, or whatever a person likes to do breaks the pattern that anxiety has taken in the body that would keep a person “frozen” in fear. I don’t necessarily want to talk about what I am feeling when I’m very anxious. I do feel reassured by sitting near a person who cares about me. That could be my partner or a good friend. It’s the presence that is helpful. I also go outside and look at the trees, the stars (at night) and at the sky.

Do you have an appointment scheduled in oncology to discuss your treatment?

Learning that your cancer has recurred is a nasty shock. Your response to it seems fairly normal to me, and I don't know that trying to make these quite reasonable feelings go away is something to put a lot of energy into. Adjusting to a different view of your future life will take some time, but with a little time you'll adapt to your new normal. As Denise mentioned, having a treatment plan will help too. Do you know anything about your prognosis?

After I was first treated for endometrial cancer (stage 1b, grade 3), I decided I was going to live my life as if it was never coming back, even though I knew there was a solid 50-50 chance it would be back. I got my chemo port removed; I took a new job. So when I learned it was back 9 months later, I was devastated that the future I was imagining for myself was gone. (The cancer was spread throughout my peritoneum, so while potentially treatable, this is considered incurable. People usually live a year or two.) I quickly went on Rocket Lawyer and wrote a will. I pestered my foot-dragging oncologist's office.

But once I was back on chemo, I calmed down, even though I had a bad reaction to the chemo and it only sort of worked. A year later, I'm still here plotting what I'm going to do next. (I'm currently on a clinical trial that worked better than the standard of care chemo, but the tumors are still there). I know intellectually that this is unlikely to go well, but emotionally I still have hope that if I keep trying things, it may work out. I wouldn't rate myself as unhappy.

My initial reaction was different from yours: I wouldn't describe it as fear, more like sadness. But I think it's still likely that your strong emotions will subside with some time.

Hi Val64...
I was in the same shoes as you. I had stage 1B and was told 98% it will never come back since we caught it early. 6 months later i had a pelvic pain and went to have a CT which showed 7 nodules in my abdomen. Had a debulking surgery, chemo (carbo/taxol/keytruda) 6 cycles. Now on keytruda for 2 years as maintenance. Feeling like " I have it under control", but 6 months I need a CT, and I get very nervous. Just had my CT and it was great.
I agree with you, once you have a plan and you feel comfortable with it, you can focus on yourself and beat the monster. Stay strong and as I told myself "Madie, you have no choice but beat this and you will ".