Thanks for taking the time to respond, I am not considering suicide. I am just accepting that without taking poison in the form of anti-rejection medication I will just let nature takes its' course. Where I live Voluntary Assisted Dying is available and I qualify for all but one term, I must be diagnosed to die within 7 months. I watched my mother waste away and it had ongoing effects on me and my family, I do not want to go out without my dignity. Granted my mother refused a lung transplant something I wished I had done. I eat good food, I do not drink or use tobacco. I think really, really hard about walking and exercise but here lies my problem, I have no drive. I have an engineering workshop and a blacksmith shop and used to make knives pre-transplant, again no drive. My reason to get up each day is family my children and my wife. But each day I suffer a considerable amount of pain and take copious amounts of medication which are likely to lead to acute kidney disease. Since the transplant I have had a melanoma a common side effect of the anti-rejection medication. I feel like I have been down every single fork in the road, and each has reached a dead end. I do my best to be kind to people but as an ex-Prison Officer I do not respond well to unkind, inconsiderate people. But that is a whole topic just on its' own.