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Treatment resistant depression help.
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: 21 hours ago | Replies (25)Comment receiving replies
The main source of my PTSD was the 5 weeks I spent intubated with ketamine causes vivid dreams with death being the overall theme. Upon coming out of the induced coma I awoke unable to move due to muscle weakness, this was during COVID and I was not allowed any visitors. The oxygen supply from the hospital wall was not sufficient, even when turned up to maximum. This meant any time I exerted myself I could not breath as my lung capacity was 20% and I would have a panic attack. I was placed on high flow eventually. Minor infections caused my saturation to drop to 61% until eventually I was faced with that talk the doctor initiates about getting your affairs in order. I am married with five kids, three from a previous marriage where my first wife died of cancer.
I initiated the medicinal cannabis idea, the lung clinic was dead against it but eventually approved it. The cannabis competes for an enzyme in the liver to break it down that is also used by Tacrolimus. This can lead to high levels of Tacrolimus which is not good. I counter this by leaving a 5 hour gap between the taking of each. This seems to have worked in keeping down the Tacrolimus level to within range. The cannabis has helped more than any of the anti-depressants and I can stop without any weaning process.
I know I should be elated and thankful for getting a second chance but the cocktail of medication and the constant rotation of the public hospital system effects the continuance of care with a different doctor each appointment. I raised my concern as to the average life span of a lung transplant patient which is 50% of recipients die within 5 years and was told "Well it is a palliative procedure". Losing my first wife, being a prison officer and experiencing a riot and then coming close to dying are most probably contributing factors in my PTSD and Panic Disorder.
Replies to "The main source of my PTSD was the 5 weeks I spent intubated with ketamine causes..."
I am so sorry to hear all that you have been through and PTSD sounds like the correct diagnosis if these experiences continue to impact your daily life. Having a chronic illness for which there is no treatment yet and significant chronic pain due to spinal issues and a constant migraine for the last 25 years, I understand the depression and anxiety that goes along with those things, but I can't imagine what it must be like for you. You also clearly have an extremely stressful job as a corrections officer. I am a psychotherapist (Licensed Independent Social Worker in Iowa) and have worked with individuals with similar situations--just not all at once with a single person--so this is tricky. You are most definitely not alone in the suicidal thinking. I want to make sure that you have a safety plan so you know what to do/who to call if you find yourself creeping up to the edge of the cliff of making an attempt. It also sounds like you have a lot to live for, especially your children. Please remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel after a transplant, please avoiding "should-ing" all over yourself. It is not helpful, it is not useful and it does not help people heal. One thing to remember is that you can't believe everything you think, sometimes our minds lie to us and feed us narratives that are false. Be kind to yourself, notice if you are talking/thinking to yourself the same way you might talk to someone you care about. Also notice if you would allow others to talk to you the way you do to yourself...if the answer is no, then think about why you are allowing yourself to do so. Addressing the issue of treatment resistant depression, have you considered ECT or TMS? Maybe look into those as possible non-medicinal treatments. ECT's aren't what they used to be, so keep an open mind. I pray for your healing, your health and mental health and your family.
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Wow!!!
You've been through the wringer, alright!
I'm not sure I'd have the constitution to put myself through what you're enduring. You're very brave. What necessitated your transplant operation?