Angie,
Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings. I'm not a doctor and I think your sadness could be coming from both the hormones and the past thoughts. It's good you are dealing with some of these past thoughts so you can walk through them and get past them. There are no right or wrong feelings. It is important to pay attention to your feelings and just let them sink in and really feel them. Journaling can sometimes help. It's going to be okay. Your feelings when your dad had Alzheimer's and you didn't want to go visit him, because you were afraid to see him that way - that is a normal feeling and you aren't the only one has done that. You can forgive yourself-you are human and humans are not perfect. It sounds like you might be blaming yourself , that you did something to get your cancer - I think that's a normal feeling too. No one knows exactly why any one person has gotten cancer. Don't blame yourself for your cancer. Try to focus on the good memories you have of your dad. He would want you to be happy. Be kind to yourself. Try to talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. I care about you. Sometimes we are too hard on ourselves.