Our sons have slid down a similar pit of isolation. Their world can shrink quickly. I am afraid to sell my house that is too big for us (other children have long since moved out). It is expensive and time consuming to maintain. There are thoughts that haunt me: Where would he live and how would he survive if I sold it? He'd hate me if I gave him a timeline to get a job and look at moving out, right? What if he never speaks to me again?
My therapist said, "He'll figure it out. He'll likely sleep on a friend's couch or find a shelter. You don't give him enough credit." If I am honest with myself, I think she is right. Well, I know she is right. I learned that it is ok to say, "get therapy or find a place to live, because I am not going be your therapist, as I don't have the expertise or degree." That's when I was putting up with a lot of verbal abuse. Again, because of his fragile nature I enabled him to do so. I believe I own a percentage of his behavior, isolation, and being a victim. I have enabled him to isolate, because I have allowed it in my home. He didn't work for many months, because he didn't have to (he has all he needs under my roof so there is no consequence or motivation to survive in the outside world). He isolated from family at gatherings, because it was easier for me not to set boundaries (no yelling, embarrassing behavior, and stress if he is left to himself). Are you SURE he won't survive if you kick him out or pass away? Something to ponder. Bending the rules and erasing boundaries doesn't do any good for launching our adult children with mental health issues, we just may have to take a different approach. I suggest a therapist to guide you. I need therapy because I am scared- that parenting the way I want to will hurt my son in some way, and I couldn't live with that. I also know that enabling doesn't allow for the best quality of life for my son. Sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do in order to save them from themselves. I am not saying that I am there yet, but my son is finally working (albeit parttime). We the parents of adult children with mental illness, walk a fine line and is not easy under any circumstances. I have started praying for myself for strength to do what is necessary, in addition to GOD to rescuing him.