Good Morning @kb2014
I can understand your situation well as I face a similar one with my father who is 87 years old and quite stubborn, thinking he is invincible.
This second semester my father was diagnosed with pneumonia and it seems it has returned due to his negligence. Finally, he has agreed to go back to the doctor. I had the chance to have a private talk with the doctor. She said some things that I share here with you as they might help you to deal with the situation you are facing with your husband.
"Chris, I know how what has been happening with your father has impacted you emotionally, leaving you worried and distressed. Your father is a person who has always been in command of his life, it is not now that he will change his way of being. You have been doing all you can for him, but you can not be responsible for his life and attitude. You know this is affecting your epilepsy and you have to free yourself from this responsibility and take care of yourself and epilepsy."
She then gave me an example to explain what she was trying to share with me. "let's say your father has diabetes but is fully conscious. You see himself serving with a big slice of a cake full of sugar. As he is fully conscious, you can tell him that it is not advisable to eat that big slice and remind him of the consequences of this attitude, but you can not take the cake away from him. He is responsible for his life and not you. You could only do that if he is not mentally healthy, which is not the case."
The doctor also said: "I can not force your father to follow my recommendations but I can tell him about the consequences of his negligence with his health state." And this is what she did during the appointment, in a very kind but also firm way. I loved the metaphors she used with my father during the appointment!
I have also tried to convince my father to have the support of a psychologist to help him better cope with the advancement of my mother's Alzheimer's. It was lost energy. Remembering the words of the doctor, I have done what I can. I can not force my father to see a psychologist, even though I believe it would help him a lot.
Hope this sharing of experiences helps you in some way.
Wishing you all the best!
Chris (@santosha)