Hi M!
Oh, I am right there with you! In varying degrees since June of 2021. But I got covid three more times after that. January was the last time. No one wants to hear my pain. Not after the initial concern. It's ongoing so I'm invisible. I have been the caregiver, but no one is the caregiver for me. It's been a roller coaster. I have felt better, then I do something (like go away for a weekend) and then I feel worse for weeks. Now it's even worse. I am worn out by a simple evening out. I too know others are worse off, but that doesn't help me feel better. I have lost all that I once enjoyed. I was super active and loving it. I loved hiking and singing and serving and leading and writing and going to plays and singing in concerts and going to concerts. Now I can do none of it. My "fun" is now occasionally finding a funny movie or zoning out playing a stupid phone app. Even reading or writing is often too hard for my brain. I have lost hope. I am tired of resting. I do appreciate going and sitting in my backyard in the sun, but it is not warm enough very much of the day. I have tried to accept it and just rest, but I am tired of resting and it doing no good - seeing no benefit or lasting improvement. Tired of eating super healthy with no results. I want my cookies and hot chocolate and tea and coffee and movie popcorn. Tired of constant setbacks. I wish someone could just put me in a temporary coma and wake me when it's over.
I crave silence and solitude. No stimulation. But that's not really possible. The only time I really got better was 10 days alone in a prayer cabin on the side of a mountain near the ocean. I wish I could live there until this is over.