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Vaginal atrophy and painful intercourse: What helps?
Women's Health | Last Active: 3 days ago | Replies (146)Comment receiving replies
I have had the same problem needing to correct atrophy-related symptoms, and I have none of those. My reasons are purely selfish. I am 57 now, but was maybe 54 when Vaginal Atrophy hit me. I say "hit me" because it happened overnight. My husband and I have always enjoyed a very active sex life, and one night it was great as always, and the next, it felt like he was wearing a condom made of tiny knives slicing me up. All at once, fine one day, and you can never have great sex again the next. I just cried and cried because my husband has turned to younger women a few times now to satisfy his needs because I simply could not do it anymore. It is ruining my marriage. Like someone else said I first talked to my primary who had nothing relevant to say at all and then a nurse practitioner/gyn that is a sex/menopause specialist. My primary ridiculously told me to try lubricants. There does not exist a lubricant that can help this kind of pain unless it has the stuff they use at the dentist in it, then maybe. The specialist told me it was vaginal atrophy, and prescribed estradiol vaginal cream. As I began to use it, it did help a little, but not that much, and a side effect I noticed was my hair began to fall out. Numerous professionals have told me that is not possible, that estrogen helps hair regrow, not the opposite but when I read the entire paper that came with it, in the fine print, hair loss was listed as a possible side effect. So then I had to choose between my hair falling out in patches or a better sex life but still not perfect. So I stopped taking it. Now when we want to be intimate, I take 6 or 8 Ibuprofins and have 3 shots of Tequila, and I can get through it and sometimes actually enjoy it for a little while. In the end, I am still so sad because vaginal atrophy literally ruined my life. Now I've gained some weight, and I feel like I am not a real woman anymore. I feel unattractive and now I have trust issues with my husband who says "you didn't just expect me to never have sex again just because you can't, did you? " Yep, that's my man, I can't believe more people in their 50's don't off themselves. Everything you care about is gone, including good sex, slim body, kids have all moved out, I have no friends near me anymore, and now my husband cheats occasionally and I'm supposed to be ok with that because I guess it's my fault. I need help with this issue. Real help before it's too late for me. Any suggestions at all would be welcomed appreciatively. I sound like a baby. With so many of you having way more serious things going on like cancers, endometriosis, and urology issues, I am so sorry I feel ridiculous even bringing this up.
Replies to "I have had the same problem needing to correct atrophy-related symptoms, and I have none of..."
I take Osphena 60 mg for this. It's helped tremendously. My husband also uses a Replens lubricant. I've also found Replens for myself helpful. I'm sorry you've not found support and help from your spouse. Be careful yiurself if he's having sexual relations outside the marriage. You might want to consider talking to someone about all that's going on for you right now.
@wifey5000 My now former primary care provider also told me to use more lubricant. That poor advice as well as a few other reasons caused me to look for another primary. There are reasonable solutions to vaginal atrophy. I finally felt listened to and worked with a nurse educator at Mayo Clinic's Menopause and Women's Sexual Health Clinic:
-- https://www.mayoclinic.org/departments-centers/menopause-womens-sexual-health/overview/ovc-20487915
Can I say I'm furious with your husband? I will also say that I understand a man's point of view about sex because that's how we have all been acculturated our entire lives. As my body changed, I've had one "insult" after another to my body due to endometrial cancer treatments .I have asked my partner on more than one occasion why he chooses to accommodate me. Like you, vaginal sex is just painful for me. I can no longer use vaginal estradiol which really helped in the past. Why? Because my cancer was estrogen positive so all estrogen products are off-the-table for me. I do use a lubricant on a regular basis to treat the vaginal dryness. It doesn't work as well as vaginal estradiol but it works. This is what I use which was recommended by the radiation oncologist:
Hyalo-Gyn:
-- https://hyalogyn.com/tools/recurring/get-subscription-access
My husband says that it's the whole package. Yes, sex is important to both of us and our sex life has changed to accommodate me. Frankly, it could just as easily be him if he had developed erectile dysfunction (ED) or prostate cancer. If that had happened would I seek out a younger partner? No, that's just not me.
You aren't a baby about your own challenges. Your problems are real and significant for you. You do sound like a wife whose husband is thinking of his own needs outside of your marriage and he rationalizes it by blaming you. I wouldn't be OK with that either. I've been married to a husband (now ex-husband) who cheated on me. I know what it feels like and in my case he also blamed me.
Have you thought about going to counseling? Would your husband go to marriage counseling with you so you could both talk about this together? Or would you want to go on your own?
There is lots of good information here
https://www.reddit.com/r/Menopause/
and
https://www.facebook.com/groups/wakeherup
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Pelvic floor dysfunction can be helped tremendously by pelvic floor physical therapy. Can you ask your gynecologist to refer you?
Usually, the estrogen cream does the trick, too, but in your case maybe try coconut oil? Not just when you have sex, but all the time.
I am sorry that you aren’t getting the support from your husband that you need.