well i'll be honest, i'm still struggling at times...I managed to get thanksgiving dinner cooked and literally collapsed and slept the entire time everyone was here, which of course i felt REALLY guilty about but i managed to get all the food done including the homemade rolls i make for ALL holiday meals so everyone was fed...
there's soo many times i find myself bursting into tears for smallest thing thinking of him, it was weird not having him here, his stuff is still all OVER the house esp the downstairs where we had a lot stored and the room he slept in you can barely even get in atm... its hard to go to the farmers market, i've been twice and cried both the entire way there and back and kept finding myself turning around to ask him something and of course he's not there or walking slowly to allow him to keep up or whatever... its just hard...we did his memorial and burial of ashes on Nov 2nd...idk if i'd shared that or not but they're up on youtube if anyone wants to watch them.. search username bhale7904
then the Wed before thanksgiving i had Mohs surgery done on a basal cell carcinoma which turned out to be stage 2 (this was my second one, i'd had one removed i think in Feb or March but it was a lot smaller) .they basically took most of the end of my nose off and then the next day they did stage 1 of a reconstruction on it.. they took cartilage from my ear to rebuild it and did a "forehead flap" which ended up having to go a couple inches into my hairline to get enough skin for the graft to cover it...so i have a tube of skin wrapping around blood vessels and nerves going from between my eyes, arching down to top of my nose where the rebuilt graft is (so there's almost like two nose bridges, one arching high above the other) and of course because the skin that actually covered the rebuilt part is from my scalp...yep you guessed it, i have salt and pepper hair growing all over my new nose... my hair had JUST started coming back in from chemo and is about 1/4" long.. which of course they won't be able to laser for a YEAR so that its completely healed.....if i feel cold on my nose i don't feel it on my nose, i feel it in my forehead, (ie i touch my nose with my cold hands) and thats just WEIRD... my forehead and scalp feel like it does when you're super numb from the dentist and the feeling is JUST starting to come back...
i thought i was going to be getting stage 2 done next week (as in they would remove this monstrosity off my face and put my left eyebrow back in place) but i got a call from them today saying the doc wants to wait another week til the 19th... i told them i'd RATHER they go ahead and do it next week if possible, the itching etc is driving me NUTS...
i've not been able to put up my Christmas lights outside yet (usually do it thanksgiving evening but yea that didn't happen) , my kitchen is a gosh awful mess...friend offered to pay for a deep clean of my house but i got so much stuff here there's not a lot they could get to in order to clean other than my kitchen and bathroom and omg that's a whole different kettle of fish !!! although atm i'd be happy with a deep clean of my kitchen and bath.. i mean like washing walls, cleaning my fridge, moving the stuff etc... i haven't been able to do it in over a year and tbh that's embarrassing to admit in itself!!! i feel SOOOO exhausted still... i feel like all i want to do is sleep...but i can't sleep...