Hi there ..... I really feel for you my friend ..... what a terrible situation you are in. My father had Alzheimers, and as an only child in an addicted family (all of them - not me), it was all mine to deal with ...... living situation, financial, safety, etc. And I lived 3-4 hours away. Truthfully I would start with getting some professional advice from a Geriatric Psychiatrist specializing in Alzheimers. My Dad saw one each month, or more if necessary, and he was invaluable. Also, talk to your local Dept. of Aging ..... talk to any of the groups that could offer any advice at all.
You are right to be concerned about your mother's, and your dad's, safety. There were many times I worried that my Dad would take his arm and just slam her and she'd fly across the room. Do get in touch with the Alzheimer's Assoc. too ... and explain everything to them you told me. They are absolutely wonderful folks and have a wealth of knowledge at their fingertips ..... you do not have to walk this alone.
Very important ..... be sure your Dad has a Will, a Medical Directive, and a Durable Power of Attorney before he is considered incompetent to make those decisions.
There comes a time, and believe me it's not fun nor easy, when a daughter (or son) has to step in and be the parent, and tell the parent "no Dad, this is what we are going to do." It's tough .... I know. When I had to convince my Dad that the best thing for him would be to "visit" a special facility (never used the word Alzheimers) where they could help him do things and learn new skills, my mother was standing in the doorway screaming her head off at me that I was a horrible s.o.b. for doing this to him, even though she knew it had to be and we'd discussed it. She was also at the end of her rope. So, just know you never can be sure what lies ahead.
There is so much to tell you, and I wish I could be there to help you. Write me if you wish - I think my e-mail is on the members list. But, first of all contact the Alzheimer's Association and tell them your whole story. Those folks are wonderful. And, as you walk through this process with your folks, try to be tender with your Mom even if she isn't with you, and always assure your Dad that you love him and only want what's best for him.
I will be praying for you. Please keep in touch,
abby