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I'm at a loss, I can't find therapy. Is it me?

Mental Health | Last Active: 1 day ago | Replies (14)

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@smugzs

For your grandson, the stubbornness, the argumentive and surly persona, not taking meds, refusing help... That's normal, and it's not up to the parent or grandparent to decide, necessarily, what is best for them, or what they need. No job, no degree, no friends, no perceived future? Yes, as a caretaker that hurts to see, especially when you feel like you've invested so much into their life. However, and believe me when I tell you this, it's so much harder for him, it's so much more difficult and agonizing to look in the mirror, realize that you're not living up to the expectations that others have placed on you. Imagine a life where you grew up being different than everyone around you.. Being judged for missing milestones that were designed for people that were nothing like you. Being called out in a classroom full of peers for being "disruptive" and "challenging" when, in fact, the rules weren't designed for someone with a mind like yours. How can such a person find a place in a world that wasn't designed for them? I understand your heart is in wanting the best for them, but your heart is misguided because it's not about you, it's about them... Your frustrations are real and understandable, but your grandson and his happiness is what is important, how you feel about their performance, though understandable, is nothing more than a stumbling block to him...why should he have to perform in a certain way to relieve your anxieties? Thank you for sharing, I hope this wasn't too harsh, I'm just trying to be real.

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Replies to "For your grandson, the stubbornness, the argumentive and surly persona, not taking meds, refusing help... That's..."

smugzs, Thank you for your realistic reply! What I didn’t tell you, is that I, also, had difficulties as a child with a different diagnosis, than my grandson! I walked funny, having childhood polio, I have had Ataxia, and poor balance, my entire life, and had been made fun of, by other children, and adults, when I was a child, due to a brain related, birth defect! I felt like my grandson feels now, that I was rejected by many peers and other people, and that they truly did not understand me. Even worse than all that, though, was that I was rejected by both of my parents! I was considered the so called ‘black sheep’ of the family, having 2 brothers, and 2 sisters! They were all relatively normal, to my parents. They each had rooms, of their own, and were treated well, by my parents! For me, though, it was the opposite! My parents physically beat me, and mentally abused me! My place was a blanket on the cold, hard, cement floor, of the basement! I had no room of my own. At the dinner table, if I spoke up, or complained about anything, I was sent to the basement, with no food! My brothers and sisters, on the other hand, could talk all they want! My parents wouldn’t buy me school clothes, once I reached 5th grade! I was made to work as a newspaper delivery boy, from a young age, to pay for my school clothes! I couldn’t take the beatings and mistreatments any more, when I was a junior in high school, so I left my parents home, staying with friends, or my older sister’s family ( she had gotten married in my sophomore year ). My parents never gave me a penny for college, and the one time I returned home, to see if they would co-sign a student loan for me, my Dad threw a fit, said no, catching me unawares, as I was standing by the basement steps, and pushed me violently, so that I lost my balance, and I fell down the stairs, onto the basement floor! Immediately, I felt a sharp pain in my right knee! My knee ballooned up to twice it’s size! I couldn’t get up! My Dad yelled at me, and said he hated me, and wish I had never been born! Then, when I was screaming in pain, telling my Dad and Mom, who had come down on the landing, that I needed help, to get up, and I needed to be taken to hospital, neithrr my Mom or Dad would come down snd helo me! My younger sister came down and told me she’d call my older married sister! So, about an hour later, my older sister came over and helped me crawl to her car, and she took me to hospital! My parents warned me, that if I complained to Docs at the hospital, that my Dad purposely hurt me, that they would kill me! Anyway, I was on crutches, at college, for that entire winter! I had 2 part time jobs, at the college, had gotten a Pell grant, and scholarship, and had rented a bedroom ( no kitchen priviledges ), from a widow, near the college campus! I put myself through 6 years, of college, with no financial help from my parents, other fsmily members, or friends! Now, I’m nearly 80 years old, suffering from an incurable neurodegenerative disease, and just trying to find a way, to help my beloved grandson! So, you mentioned reality! That was and this is my reality! So, no, your reply was not so harsh! Thanks for your special insightful reply!